A journey to you
by msarahv
Summary: Sonny is this adventure-seeker that climbs mountains all around the world but his bigger adventure will be when he meets Will. They keep bumping into each other, all across Europe, but something is hindering Will.
1. Zurich

**OK, I've offically given up on complaining. Now, I'll just write as much as I want. As long as you guys review, I'll keep the story alive. This one comes from a prompt blog which gave me nice ideas although it's not really new territories. Well, you'll see...**

The phone rang in the big house. Justin picked it up and recognized his younger son's voice « Hi, Dad, how are thing at Victor's ?" "Hello Sonny, nice to hear you! We are all OK. What about you? What have you done with yourself since we last talked?" Sonny boasted "I have made the Mont Blanc my bitch!" Justin chuckled "Nice to hear that. I'm very proud... Yes dear?" Adrienne's voice replaced her husband "Sonny, darling, I'm so glad you're calling! What were you telling your dad?" "That I've mastered the highest peak of Europe." "Oh, good for you, darling! I hope you're not too exhausted by it all." Sonny laughed at his mother's naïveté. "Well, truth be told, I'm a wreck. It was cold up there... But it was worth it!" "I'm sure it was! I'm so proud... You know, I just remember... The Mont Blanc is in Switzerland, isn't it?" "No, mom, it's in France. But the frontier is a few miles away. In fact I could either go to Italy or Switzerland now." "Right. The thing is my friend, Marlena, she has a son who is the new priest." "OK." "And I talked with him the other day" "Mom..." She could be so cute, going in all directions like that "Yes...?" "Nothing, go on..." "I mentioned you traveled Europe and he told me his half-sister is living there." "There, where?" "In Switzerland, darling... And Carrie remembers you very well. She met you when you were 10." "OK." "The thing is, they love to welcome family and friends in their place. You could visit and take time to rest." "Right.. Where are they living?" "In Zürich." Sonny thought it over " I heard a lot about the town. It would be nice to go... I'll give them a call."

Sonny walked in the streets, marveling at his busy urban atmosphere. It felt like New-York or Istanbul. The big lake strengthened the resemblance making a striking contrast with the snowy peaks of the Alps he had just left. He had explained he intended to visit the next week as he didn't want to impose himself too short a notice but Carrie had sounded very welcoming. In the mean time, he'd taken trains at whim, buying tickets on board sometimes, going where his fancy led him. The last one was for the city and he took a last picture of a beautiful bridge covered with knotty branches and leaves and bid the beauty of nature good-bye for a while. He had walked around town and slowly neared the part of town where the couple's apartment complex was situated. As he walked through the edge of an inviting forest, that he would certainly roam through later, he saw a young bearded blond guy wearing a knapsack standing near the boardwalk and looking around. Sonny approached with a wide grin as the man was gorgeous and looked lost. He had a map of the city in his pocket, maybe he could help. A fringe covered the guy's eyes as he was looking down at his cell. Apparently, he did have a map on it, but still hesitated. "Hallo!" Sonny raised a peaceful hand and added "Brauchen Sie Hilfe?" The blue eyes that met his were brighter and deeper than the lake he just walked past. He hoped like hell the man would be gay. "Hum, do you speak English?" Sonny nodded. The blond let out a sigh "I'm looking for a street but there's a building in the way. Maybe I'm reading this thing wrong..." Sonny took out his map and found their location. "This one says different. Looks like old technologies can be more accurate at times!" "True! My name's Will by the way." "I'm Sonny" They shook hands and Sonny appreciated the hidden strength under the soft exterior. He focused on the map, not to lose himself in fantasy and asked "So, which street are you looking for?" "Berne Street, well strate or something?" "Berne Straße? I'm headed there! We can look for it together." Will chuckled "I'm so glad I met you. I tried calling my aunt but she doesn't pick up. I don't know how dangerous this city can be at dusk and I don't intend to find out!" Sonny grinned "Who knows? I might try and steal your wallet..." Will looked at him thoughtfully "You don't seem the type. You look... hum... very friendly and nice. I'd be glad to visit the town with you if you want?" Sonny tripped, then stopped. Was the guy flirting? He sounded so innocent it was hard to say. He ran to him and they looked for street signs. Once they found the streets, each one looked for his number. Sonny stopped and turn to see Will smiling in a dumbfounded way "Can I ask you the name of the people you are visiting Sonny?" "Reed." Will laughed again, echoing jingly bells on the buildings around. "You mean my uncle and aunt, Austin and Carrie Reed?" "Apparently" There was a god. He asked, curious "How come you don't know the way to their place? You've never been there?" "I lived with them for a while." There was a subtle change in the man's tone "But that was in Geneva. People speak french there. That was easier." He walked to the entrance door and rang. "So, can I ask your last name?" "Kiriakis." "Like Victor?" "I'm his grand-nephew." "Oh, OK. My name's Horton." "Like the square in Salem?" Will bit his lip and turned to open the door "Looks like someone's home, I didn't even hear them talk." "Maybe they recognized your voice when you were speaking to me? You have a very soft specific tone. I'm pretty sure I'd remember it too." He saw the blush even though Will had his back turned to him and bit his lip in excitement. He might have to thank his mother for her great idea.

Carrie was a blond, beautiful woman with locks that could rival with Will's. She must be the one related to him. Although her husband looked like him too. Sonny didn't dwell on it and began a conversation with his host. It was a good thing he was a people person, as the weirdness of staying at near-strangers was soon overcome. They laughed at the coincidence of them meeting outside and Carrie added "If Will had not waited the last minute to say he was coming, I would have tell you guys to meet at the station. Given how abysmal his sense of direction is, he could have completely lost himself. Lucas would never forgive us if anything happened to you, honey." Will sat on the couch and answered in a relaxed tone "Well, I found a guardian angel, so everything's fine." He winked at Sonny who had to sit too. They ate swiss sausages, which reminded Sonny of Berlin, and joked around. And yet, Sonny could feel a strange sadness permeating the air. He had no idea how he got the impression and went to bed in one of the two guest bedroom, his head filled with questions, light or serious and all about Will.


	2. A trip in the city

After breakfast, Austin and Carrie departed for work and Will and Sonny ventured in the street. Sonny insisted on visiting the woodland he had passed the previous day. He led Will to the part where the trees were the highest and insisted on leaving the road and walk on the soft earth. Will grinned "You are definitely a nature-lover. Don't you want to visit the town itself?" Sonny walked backward, inhaling the fresh air and laughing "I like cities too, but I wanted to get my fill of oxygen. Come on, I think we can see the lake from here!" He ran to the top of the small hill, stopping when they came onto a lawn with a breathtaking panorama. He took very few pictures. He preferred to commit things to memory and this was a moment to encapsulate. The fact that an Adonis was standing next to him was a very good bonus. Sonny was wondering how to come back to the subtle flirting to see if he hadn't dreamt it. He turned to Will and said "So, we've gone where I wanted. It's your turn." Will looked at him seriously and answered "I would love going nearer the lake. See the old buildings there. In fact..." He blushed again and Sonny's lower lip trembled. Will shifted on his feet and whispered "I think there are boat cruises that you can take at night to see the city lights..." He looked so shy and Sonny refrained from answering "I'll do anything you want" or "Can I hold you in my arms on the boat" and just said "Sounds amazing..."

They infiltrated a tour group and got busted when Sonny improvised a description in broken german. The guide berated them but the tourists grinned at them as they left running. They walked on a bridge over bright greenish waters and stopped in front of a church with a bright, almost fluorescent green elongated arrow. They took turn asking random people the time, or the month, or the year. They stopped for lunch at a sandwich shop and sat near the banks, listening to the city rumble, deciding where to head next. "Do you always do things like this? Just following your whim?" Sonny nodded happily "I wouldn't have found the places and people I did if I had planned my trip. The only place I really wanted to see and reserved a flight too was Greece cause my family originates from here." "What about here?" "My mom met with Carrie's half-brother. I think he's a priest... So, he's not your father...?" Will chuckled "Well mom told me Eric wasn't always a saint... She's his twin sister." He took another bite then added "Austin is my father's half-brother so they are both blood relations. Blood is more important than we think, you know... I mean, I haven't met many adopted persons..." Sonny looked at him and said softly "My twin's brothers are adopted..." "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean..." "It's OK. They did wonder about their birth parents when they were teens. Know where they come from, I guess. I agree, that is important. But so is love and it can grow even without a biological link. I never felt my parents loved them any less." Will got up brusquely and walked to a trashcan. His head drooped. Sonny didn't dare move, in case he would spread his arm and fly away with the pigeons and leave him there. But Will turned and smiled and Sonny smiled back. They resumed their random route until it was time to go back to Will's aunt's place. They raced to the door and Will won by an inch, till Sonny bumped into him and pressed him against the glass. Will's breath itched and Sonny planted his eyes in Will's pupils, latching a connection. Austin coming home startled them out and they followed him, walking side by side, hands an inch away from the other's.

Will's boat idea was welcomed with enthusiasm, especially from Carrie who exclaimed "I've never been on one, ever! That will be so romantic!" They went to a restaurant near the lake and Sonny tried all that sounded weird on the menu. Will ordered fries and steak and won a look of amused disappointment from everyone else. He waved to them, his mouth full and a contented look on his face and suddenly Sonny wanted fries. Fed by mouth.

The boat was gliding slowly, letting them take in the gorgeous lights. Austin and Carrie were in each other's arms, whispering and kissing. Sonny stood next to Will's lean and yet muscled body, feeling electrified and yet calm as if all was meant to be. Will took his hand to show him some nice views and forgot to let it go. They all walked back to the car, talking at intervals, not wanting to break the spell. Sonny sat next to Will and put his hand on Will's. After a few seconds, he felt it slide away and caught a complex look in the depth of Will's eyes, that he could see perfectly in the almost dark. He didn't try anything else, noticing how much Will avoided his gaze and stiffened at times. Sonny wished everyone sweet dreams before going to the bathroom. When he came back to his bed, he thought he heard a scratching noise. Did the door handle really move? He shook his head and saw that the door didn't open. He must have been half-asleep. He dreamt of Will that night. And all the one that followed, ever.

He left the next day, promising to come back before the end of his european stay. He didn't ask Will where he would go. After all, he was bound to see him in Salem one day. And now, he needed the distance to extinguish his crush. New places, new wonders. He hugged his hosts and approached Will "I'm glad we met. Have a great trip..." That was sincere. The rest was not "I can't wait to discover a new country." He didn't ask for Will's cell number either. What would be the point?

In the train, he cried. Discreetly and heartfully. He had met a fellow soul and it had slipped under his fingers. It wasn't a crush. It was the end of something carefree inside him. Now, he had suffered rejection from someone kind and it hurt like hell. He got out the train and looked at the name of the station. It didn't ring any bell but being in the middle of nowhere would be good for a few hours. He took a stroll and remembered Will's comment about his love of nature. "Fuck you, Will..." And it wasn't sincere but it made him a little better.

**Thanks LoveFreddieWilSon for the new summary!**


	3. Barcelona

After working for two weeks "à faire la plonge"_(1)_ in a small french village restaurant, and thus earning enough to be on the road again, Sonny went on with his trip. He was now able and produce quite a few choice french swears and also know enough sentence to put France on the list of place to tourist through later on. He had gotten over the disappointment with Will and wondered how he could have been so worked up about it. He still dreamt about him, but, well, who wouldn't? The man defined gorgeous. He hoped on a train headed to the sun and the sea and the grandiose.

And grandiose it sure was. As the bus drove down the cliffy road to the seaside village, Sonny could hardly believe it. He had come here for the Dali museum, but Cadaqués was surreally beautiful. All those white houses reminded him a little of Greek islands, especially Santorini, with it's cat-filled streets and whitewashed walls. He tried to avoid tourism season as much as possible and he had loved being there. He remembered wondering if he should settle here... He visited the museum, walked on the shore then walked back to the church in the town center. He looked around, feeling that there was nothing you needed to add to make the place perfect.

He was proven wrong one minute later when he spotted a blond man spreading his arms. He enjoyed the picture, slightly turned on and discreetly stepped forward. When he got near enough, the man turned his head and Sonny recognized him. He had shaved his beard and cut his hair short and Sonny felt pure lust run through his veins. He smiled at Will's shocked expression. They hugged and even if there was reserve from both side, it still made Sonny let out a sigh and feel muscles all around his body finally relax, that he didn't know were tensed.

They walked to the bay and watched the circle of houses across the sea, standing just next to each other. Sonny tried "Where are you headed next?" "Barcelona." "Same." "Where are you staying?" "The youth hostel. You?" Will shrugged "What do you think?" Sonny smirked. He turned to Will and said "I'm glad we met again." Will seemed to thaw suddenly. He pinched his lips and asked "You want to go have dinner here or in the city?"

The bus took more time on the way back with lots of traffic nearing Barcelona. Sonny didn't mind it. First, he saw the Sagrada and it gave him a nice preview of all the Gaudi delight he had promised himself and second Will was seated just next to him and he could have stayed that way forever. That he would have fooled himself in thinking he was over him didn't feel that important as much as the wish to take every step right, event if the next ones would be only friendship-related. They chanced in the brightly lit streets, full of night-loving Spaniards. Sonny saw banners here and then and they finally deciphered something about making less noise and that some people were trying to sleep. They immediately tried and failed not to laugh out loud and ducked in a tapas place. Sonny was curious to see if unadventurous Will would try anything or ask to go somewhere else. He must have been transparent because Will sent him a dark look and tried a fish tapa. He seemed to like it and stuck to it. Sonny tried not to become sick by eating every sort. The loud music was very catchy and he found himself swaying and tapping his fingers. The look on Will's face was hilarious. He shook his head "That's it, I'm taking you to a club. You need to get that out of your system." Sonny almost specified "A gay one." then deemed it more prudent not to raise the subject. Given Will's ambiguous attitude, this might be a touchy subject. Anyway, Sonny would have felt ill-at-ease ogling other guys in front of Will. Though to be fair, he would probably have spent the evening ogling Will...

The walked to the youth hostel at around 2 am and realized they were in the same room. Will chuckled. He asked Sonny to wake him up so they could start the tour before noon and went to the bathrooms to change.

The room was particularly loud, even that late. There was music here too, students partying in the hall, also the freeway was nearby and apparently filled with trucks intent on breaking the speed limit. None of that bothered Sonny. Yet, he couldn't sleep. Because of the blinding sweet noise of Will's soft breathing. It filled his ears, it made his heart jump when it altered, even slightly. He spent the night quieting his own breath, so he could catch every nuance, so that he could pretend Will was sleeping next to him and not so far away.

The lack of sleep led him straight to the coffee pot in the lobby. He went back to the room and approached Will's bed. He looked so innocent and content while sleeping. Relaxed like Sonny had never seen him awake. There was definitely something weighing him down. He hoped Will would open up one day. For now, he had to take him back to the world and he did so gently that Will continued his gentle snore for quite a while. Sonny retorted to shaking him and was rewarded by two perfectly blue eyes that, once again, did their trick and made Sonny their willing slave for the day.

They hopped on a bus that went to Gaudi's masterpieces, visited two of his houses and reached the Güell park. It was way bigger than Sonny would have imagined and flanked on either side of the entrance gate by gingerbread-looking houses. They walked reverently under the sculpted waves and columns, and sat on the broken tiles to eat their sandwiches. Sonny had petitioned for another specialty, the spanish tortilla, but Will was dragging his taste buds and argued that he had already tried tortilla at home. Sonny decided to wait for dinner to prove him wrong and insisted they eat italian ice-creams. Will agreed to walk back to the street where Sonny had seen the shop and ate his greedily, getting some on his nose. Sonny froze until Will noticed and wiped it away. The sheer resisting licking that stain away had left Sonny weak and he asked that they find a bus but Will thought he could see a new Gaudi building again. After the visit, they reached a big square with a pink marvelous triumphal arch aptly named 'Arc de Triomf' which made Will smile with abandon. Nearby was a park with a zoology museum of the same stone and building style. They walked past a pretentious fountain and stopped dead in their tracks when they encountered a mammoth statue. The tusks were enormous and Will let out a "Now that's what I call a literal boner" that made Sonny jump out his skin. He really had to find out who Will liked. And if he could like him of all people.

Will begrudgingly agreed to share a tortilla with Sonny, adding that if he disliked it, he would order fries instead. He opened eyes big as saucer when he saw the potato-filled omelet. He did order afterward. The same thing. "I am so cooking this back home. For my dad, though, my mom's on a perpetual diet." Sonny chose the moment as opportune and asked "What about your boyfriend?" "I don't have a boyfriend anymore, I..." That was it... He was at least bi. Sonny tried and keep his grin modest, not to look like a canary-eater. Will counter-attacked "I mean, I'm sure you don't have one either, with your traveling longer than I have, even." It was a time for precision "I am unattached, yes. Not that I don't intend to meet the right guy, in the long run..." Will sent a 'message received' look and went back to his stuffing himself. Sonny wondered if he would be able to sleep later with all this eating and suggested they walk back to the hostel. This time Will kept Sonny's hand in his till they reached their bedroom. The other occupants had left, taking their stuff with them, so they were alone and gazing at each other. Sonny's hand slid along Will's soft skin...

_(1)_ faire la plonge : work as a dish washer.


	4. After

Will's eyes bore into his, leaving him shaking and wanting. Their mouthes met, first softly but then hungrily and they fell on Sonny's bed. Sonny unbuttoned Will's shirt patiently and Will helped him, their fingers grazing the other's skin. Sonny slid a hand under the fabric and caressed Will's back, feeling powerful and humbled. He kissed Will's neck who moaned and attacked Sonny's own buttonless shirt. They peeled each other like onions until the last consumable core of nakedness.

It was a long hushed night, with many soft words spoken from the heart and a few swears, coming from the lust. Sonny had never felt that aroused simply by a touch or a slight move. Then, Will was inside him, hitting him so well he wanted to scream his name at the top of his lungs. Instead, he caught Will's hand from behind and pressed his finger as softly as he could, given how whipped up he was. Will was whispering "Sonny" on and on and that in itself was sending him over the edge. They made love slowly and with a strange desperation, especially from Will's side. He gave Sonny all he could and when it was over, he got up and went to take a shower. Sonny waited him to come back while cleaning himself rapidly with handkerchiefs. When he finally entered the room again, Will looked like a ghost. Sonny patted the mattress as an invitation. Will ignored it and slipped under his own bed sheets. Sonny's chest tore up in a neat straight line. No way. Will couldn't be like that.

Apparently he was. Sonny recognized the soft breathing of Will's sleep. He lay down, not knowing what to feel. After about an hour, Will's breathing became strained and staccatoed. Was he weeping? Sonny put his boxers back on and walked to the other bed. He put his hand on Will's forehead "You're OK?" He heard sobs in the voice "I... I can't Sonny. I would have wanted... Don't hate me please..." Of course Will wasn't 'like that'. There was something and he wouldn't tell him. They didn't know each other well. Will didn't trust him. At least, he could try and achieve that. The hopes and feelings that invaded his mind earlier would have to be suppressed, maybe forever. But if he could help Will, it wouldn't feel like such a fucking waste. "I don't hate you. Let's enjoy the moment together. Finish visiting the city. Talk about us... I mean, of our lives." An arm came around his shoulder and he found himself lying next to Will on the very narrow bed. He felt a kiss on his temple "Thanks. And thanks for earlier. That was my first time... With a man. I had never..." Sonny hadn't even noticed it. They had fit like two gloves that would be woven into the other's fingers. He was going to miss that, a lot.

He woke up, still held by Will and did not move to make that moment last as long as he could. Today would be today. He would just have to be careful not to fall in love. Surely he could do that.

They visited the rest of Gaudi's buildings and got directions to the Miro museum. They had not let out the other one's hand since they departed the hostel in the morning. Nobody was paying attention. Sonny knew that Spain was one of the first countries to allow gay marriage. He hoped Salem's state laws would change and one day he could get married in front of his family there. Wow, why was he thinking of marriage now? He focused on the fascinating exposition of paintings and sculptures, giving Will a few pieces of information about them "Where did you learn that stuff?" "I took an art appreciation class at college for my first year." He realized he didn't know Will's age. He had a feeling he was younger than him "What about you? You've started college yet?" Will shook his head "I won't. Maybe way later, I don't know. I'm on a sabbatical and when I'll be home I'll work for my grandmother's company." "Cool." there was a blank in the conversation, then Will showed signs of nervousness and directed them to the exit. Sonny didn't dare argue. He could have stayed longer but he was discovering two things simultaneously: Catalonia and Will. Both were rich in sights and satisfactory finds, but also tortuous and way too dense to understand so fast. They planned to visit Girona the next day. Sonny didn't know how many days Will was staying and didn't want to ask. He would leave at the same time, he knew that.

This time, they asked around at the hostel for a gay club and chose the nearest. They showered and change and Sonny got his hand back, moist from the constant holding. He looked at it in the shower as if it was a new thing. He finally put it under the water and washed Will's scent away. He dressed as sharply as he could, all in black, in an attempt to show Will what he would be missing. It was childish but he needed to do it. Will's jaw dropped and he stayed with his shirt unbuttonned, gaping. Sonny walked to him and fastened it deftly. A look passed between them that said lots of contradicting things. He could feel that Will liked him and that the strong attraction was reciprocal. But there was almost a warning in the blue eyes. 'I'm toxic' they said. Sonny didn't believe it but took a step back and showed Will the way.

The club wasn't opened yet so they went to a bar. Will took out his cell to get the spanish words he needed and Sonny read them and walked to the bartender. The man smiled in response and chuckled but he gave them what they wanted. A guy seated on a bar stool laughed too and said "Your spanish accent is terrible! Are you an American?" "We are, yeah." The man turned and saw Will. He grinned and said "Well, your mate and you are staying long in Catalonia?" "I don't know for Will, but I'm looking for ideas of places to visit actually." "What do you like to do?" "Well, mountain climbing, first..." The man tapped his shoulder. "Great, a fellow mountaineer! What's your last conquest?" Sonny tried and look modest "The Mont Blanc. Before that K2..." The man's jaw dropped "And here I was about to tell you about the Pyrénées that I'm headed to! I guess those will be too easy for you..." Sonny grinned "I would love to climb them, actually. Are you part of a club or team?" "Yep! We're all British but I'm sure you'd be welcome in our midst. I'm from Scotland myself." That explained the accent. Sonny hadn't been able to place it "I'm Sonny and this is Will." "I'm Charlie." Sonny was happy he had made a friend. They talked a lot and at one moment, Sonny turned to Will to grab his jacket to pay a new round and saw a look of hurt in his eyes. He was taken aback. The guy was probably straight and anyway Will was the one who put the stops on. It wasn't as if they'd excluded him from the conversation either. Charlie was friendly and apparently open-minded as he whispered to him when they left for the club "Looks like your date doesn't like us hitting it on. You can tell him I'm into women only, that way, you still have a chance of getting lucky tonight..." Sonny nodded and ran after Will. "Will wait! I want to ask you something..." Will sighed "Yeah?" "When is your plane leaving?" That wasn't the right thing to ask. Will threw him a few dark blue daggers with his eyes "You want me gone already?" Sonny felt physically hurt. And sad. "No, I... I don't want to make plans with those guys until you've left. You've made it clear this wasn't going to continue between us and although I would have liked to, a lot, I need something to look forward to..." Now Will looked worse. "I'm sorry, I'm overreacting. You don't owe me anything... I'm leaving tomorrow night." Sonny took a sharp noisy breath in. "I would change the date if I could, but I can't afford it. The new ticket would be full price." Sonny nodded, defeated. "I understand. We don't function the same way at all..." "No. I planned all my travel in advance. It's cheaper that way." Sonny smiled a little "When I want to fly, I go find an Internet café and look for last-minute deals. If one of the destination seems fine, I book it." "And if there's none?" "Then I take a train or I look for a job. I like to take my time. You can meet more interesting people that way..." He stopped, not wanting to make a blunder. Will shrugged "Let's go now, there might be a queue..."


	5. Girona

**May I suggest you listen to R.E.M.'s "Drive" while reading?**

Will looked lost in the club. Sonny had begun to dance his way to the center of the dance floor but when he realized he was on his own, he pushed his way back, while slapping a few inappropriate hands. The black attire was working a little too well, affecting some who weren't Will and therefore out of Sonny's radar. In the dark atmosphere, with bodies, all crackling with show off muscles and revealing V-necks, there was an island of light for Sonny. A quiet, shy little boy, eyes full of hurt and more beautiful than any of the men here and Sonny regretted coming. He shouted in Will's ear "We can leave if you don't like it!" Will yelled back "No, you wanted to come and you're having fun. Don't mind me!" Sonny didn't feel like fighting and worked on his dance move. They'd been called a lot of things along the years, from "dreadful" to "interpretative" but they were just his. He didn't need excellence or even coolness, just the pleasure of the wild movements.

He found himself at the club's bar, in front of a very inebriated Will. "Should you drink that stuff? I mean... How old are you?" It was staggering what he didn't know about Will. Did he have sex with a minor? Will grinned like the Cheshire cat "In this country you can drink at 18 so I'm all good..." His diction was slurred and he lost his footing, collapsing on a buffy hunk who looked quite content with it. Sonny pulled Will back to him and led him to the back door. The air was fresh, it was still early spring and Will started shivering "It's so cold" "It's the alcohol. I'm taking you to the hostel." Will shook Sonny's arm "I don't need a nanny!" Sonny shouted "I'm not letting you get so drunk that one of these guys take advantage of you! I care for you, dammit!" Will's eyes widened "You still do?" His voice was high-pitched and hopeful. Sonny didn't stop to pick up his smashed heart's pieces from the asphalt and just dragged Will in the crowded streets. So many people, everywhere. And yet, only one that mattered.

Sonny was very gentle while taking Will's clothes off. He handed him his night-clothes and went to sit on Will's bed. Will looked at him and said, while he was putting the pants on "You're so pretty." The word made Sonny smiled. Will stumbled and almost fell. He went on "I really like you. A lot. Like, you're so nice, and so great... I want to be with you so bad... I can't breathe when you look at me like that." Sonny nodded "Neither can I. And I'm not even drunk." Will knelt awkwardly and applied pressure with yearning lips on Sonny's compliant mouth. They kissed for a while. Then Sonny slipped and let Will fall on the mattress "Now you need to sleep. We have a trip to go through tomorrow, remember?" There was no answer, just a solitary snore.

Sonny tried sleeping, then migrated to the hall. It was empty, save for the receptionist who was reading a thick book. Sonny hold a friendly hand and sat on a used tan couch. He woke up the next day, stiff and aching but rested. He took two cup of coffee to his and Will's bedroom and found him seated on his bed "What happened, yesterday?" "You were very drunk so I took you here." "Did we...?" Sonny shook his head. Will waited "You didn't seem to like the club anyway. It's funny because you had fun the other night." Will lay back on the covers "That's because this time it was a gay club." "So?" "So, I'm ill-at-ease with myself. Get self-conscious. Worry how I look." "Seriously?" Sonny was dumbfounded. Will looked like a fallen angel. For what crime against God? Loving? Sinning? What was it that was holding him back like that? Sonny wanted to slay the monsters that were living in Will's head, be his hero and give him his innocence back. He walked to the bed and kissed Will hard. They found their way back to the connection of the last night and united in an exquisite way. This time, Sonny went in and had to resist fainting at the warm and tight feeling. Will was a dream. A dream that would disappear, not with the morning lights but with a plane taking off the ground. To infinity. Leaving him to an empty life. He pounded and pounded, taking all that he could of the moment between them. Will came crying. He kissed Sonny wetly and pressed his forehead to his.

They only reached Girona at noon. Sonny got out of the bus and led Will to the deck to watch the row of houses. They were as colorful and diverse as Cadaqués' had been white and homogeneous. They stayed staring, until the looks of disdain or surprise from some less tolerant-minded passer-by compelled them to go and find a place to eat. They passed the medieval entrance to the historical center and Sonny felt small and insignificant when looking at the large stone towers. They saw a very very old church with blackened walls. They were rounding around it when it started raining. They didn't have umbrellas but didn't really mind, until the drops got so numerous and came down so harsh, they had to run for cover. They reached a covered, remote passageway and stayed there, trembling. Will rubbed Sonny's back "It's my turn, now, to take care of you." And he did by kissing Sonny's face and neck, drinking the water of both the rain and Sonny's light tears. They were not all sad. They were all coming from the intensity, the devotion Will was showing.

The plane left. Sonny remained. He had phoned the climbing team and was meeting them the next day. He came back to the hostel and asked for a new room. The receptionist gave him a knowing smile and agreed. It wasn't enough to repress the memories but at least he slept.

The men were talking all at once, mixing their accent to a friendly racket. They were all excited about a place named Pena de Sin. They welcomed Sonny in their midst, and he was addressed on and on about their shared passion, providing the distraction he dully needed. He got the fleeting impression of eyes grazing with appreciation but didn't know who from. And didn't really care. He was constantly sticking his hand in his pocket, caressing and crumbling the piece of paper that had Will's cell number on it. He didn't think he'd use it but it was like a talisman. A small square papery protection against the storm of sadness that was gathering in his chest.


	6. Narbonne

**Care to listen to Let Her Go by Passenger?**

There were mountains. Beautiful and dangerous and icy. Filled with challenges or quiet easier spots. Producing a herd of sheep once in a while, or a crevasse that no-one fell in but which were still pretty impressive. And Sonny enjoyed himself. Very much. There were refuges and talking near a fire, singing along with the amateur guitarist of the group, who came from Newcastle and liked to play Bob Dylan songs a lot. There was even encountering a group of merry french people going to a party somewhere and ending in an empty ski resort partying over till 3 in the morning.

And all through that great time, with fantastic people, with no dull moment nor actual time to think, Sonny's mind was playing, in the little theater of his head, the film where Will and him were in the same tiny bed, back at the hostel. Even when they were just cuddling and going to sleep. It was on, day and night, although in the night it turned hotter, as Sonny felt the sensations again and got trapped in his dreams, thinking they were real and woke up, shattered, each and every morning, by finding out that no, it wasn't and Will was lost to him. He wondered if his heart would take all this shocks well or if it would weaken it. Of course, he was young and heartbreak wasn't lethal, but it was killing him softly anyway. One night, he was ready to give in. The Irish man, Benedict, turned out to be the one whose gaze Sonny had felt on him the first day. He was shy and took quite some time to make a move. It took 45 minutes for Sonny to realize the man was hitting on him. It took him 5 more to shut his mouth and get out of his stupor. He didn't want to lead the man on, but he was nice and friendly and Sonny was low. As in under-the-sea-level and that was a feast at this altitude. So, he didn't flirt back but he didn't discourage him. And for Sonny, who hated hurting people's feelings, especially when they were shy, that was a mean thing to do. The guilt that resulted made him decide to consider the guy seriously. After all, this was someone who _wanted_ to be with him. The kind that you should look for. Actual boyfriend-material, not... But Will was in his heart still so things never really budged.

The group headed to Carcassonne next. Sonny, Benedict and Charlie wandered in the medieval town, finding a historical bows maker. Just holding the stuff made them feel manly and they spent two hours talking with the craftsman, whose english accent was quite good as he apparently worked with film-makers from all over the world. The other guys were headed to Toulouse but Benedict had a friend in Narbonne and Sonny agreed to accompany him. They found a sticky note on a board offering carpool. On the way, they chatted with the nice french couple. The girl wanted to know everything about their travel in the one-hour drive. Sonny had to make all the conversation as Benedict was too shy and the driver didn't speak english well enough to participate. They left at the tourism house, Sonny's head spinning from the constant talking and he was about to propose they call the guy's friend to meet him when Benedict asked if he would like to see the cathedral.

And, boy! What a cathedral! It peaked to the sky, with monumental arks all around. It wasn't as artistically inspired as the Sagrada Familia but it was impressive and way, way older. The light of the early spring sun was creating an almost heavenly atmosphere and in the middle of the bright parvise, of course, he saw Will. He was about to smile dreamily at his vision when the surprised expression from Benedict, combined with the silhouette walking up to them made Sonny's breath hitch. This was real. Will was here. He recovered his brain and made the introduction. In Will's eyes, there was unaltered adoration. As for him, Benedict seemed to admire Will, then he turned to look at Sonny with disappointment. He forced a smile and said he would look for his friend and they could meet later. Sonny didn't want him to leave. He was riding on anger. Lots of it.

Will touched Sonny's hand. Lightly. Like a feather. And Sonny started crying. Ugly. He couldn't stop the sobs and at first, Will was taken aback. In fact, Sonny didn't understand either. Where had the righteous fury of a moment ago gone? He very rarely cried in public. Or at all. He turned from Will and started running blindly, reaching the canal at the bottom of the short street. Will caught his arm and pressed his fingers. Sonny resisted, blurting parts of words like an upset child. But Will managed to hug him and Sonny relented, letting the warm, caring embrace calm him down.

They stayed there a while, Sonny softening more and more by the second until he was able to ask "Will... What is going on? Are we going to meet at random, like that, everywhere?" "No... It wasn't random." Sonny looked up. Will wiped out a few last tears with a sweet gesture and whispered " I have changed my traveling plans. Now they include you." And that was it. He was forgiven.

They walked, hands in hands, among the gorgeous historical monuments, each looking more colorful and beautiful because Will was there. He was there, for _him_...The flow of tourist was getting thicker as time passed but to Sonny there wasn't anyone else. He admitted to himself what he had been dodging in his mind against all evidence. He loved Will.

They sat on a bench under a giant London plane. Will remarked at the coincidence, he just came back from London. "How did you find the city?" "I don't know..." Will's voice trailed as he finished with "...far?" Sonny was hypnotized by Will's blue orbs. They were just as he remembered, pure. And though a sadness still lingered in them, it seemed to have tamed. Sonny hoped it was thanks to him. He asked "Did you like the monuments there?" Will looked down "I couldn't really say. I was thinking about you all the time so I didn't focus." Will smiled tentatively and cupped Sonny's face in one of his hand while the other caressed Sonny's hair at the back. They leaned and kissed slowly, Sonny feeling life re-enter him, pouring into his dry cracked heart.

"How did you know I was here? Who told you?" "Charlie. Remember, he told us both his email address in Barcelona? I sent him a mail asking if you were still with him and he explained... I said I had lost your number so he sent it to me, but I was waiting until I got there, I was afraid you'd be too mad..." Sonny was not hurt anymore but he was curious, bordering on annoyed when he asked "How come you lost my number?" Will blushed and answered "I got sick in the plane. Leaving you was so hard I puked in the bathroom and the paper must have fallen there. I noticed in the evening and it was too late. Not being able to call or text you drove me mad. I asked Carrie and Austen but they didn't have it." Sonny kissed him and said "I've got yours so I'll send a text now and you better save it." "OK" Sonny looked down at his phone. He knew what he wanted to write. He had hurt to the point of physical aching and he didn't want to feel like that anymore. So he sent "I'm in love with you."


	7. Avignon

**I'm listening to "Le temps de l'amour" by Françoise Hardy. You do what you want.**

Will was looking at his phone and not at him. Sonny's mind was floating away from the wooden bench. He had no idea what Will would do, if he would run off or freak out, but it didn't matter. Now he knew and Sonny wasn't alone in his head anymore, having to deal with all this. After a full minute, Will looked up. His eyes were clear, fully open, inviting Sonny to enter his inner world, to connect to his trembling emotions. He felt the answer long before he heard it "Me too." God, how love was disorienting... Dizziness, even vertigo, like he'd never felt atop any mountain, even at the lowest oxygen rate. And yet, certainty, familiarity. Recognition. A gush of relieved air was rising in him, like on the arches of that cathedral. They inched closer but didn't kiss. They didn't need to. Then they did.

A bunch of students, lounging about, in the small "chambre de bonne", these ex domestic quarters turned into cheap studios. Benedict having recovered a little and reminiscing with his friend. French puns and battle of wits and no way to understand any of it. Will's legs on Sonny's lap, there like it's their rightful place although it's never been before. The "apéro" with the dangerously sweet white wine called Muscat that goes through your head and lulls you into a warm drunken state. The exchange of look promising wonders, advertising desire, making them bade an early good-night and the streets at night, with the lights making the town even more romantic. The cheap hotel, almost made entirely of plastic, that made Sonny feel like a Playmobil, just outside the old town, that Will had rented before coming, a room for two.

This time, there was joy. And delicacy. Sonny was caressing Will endlessly, the soft skin offered to his avid, respectful hands. They tried everything, not able to choose how to please the other, how to taste and feel as wholly as possible. Will's mouth enveloped Sonny's hardness and he was floating again, having found his core of inner peace.

The bed was thin and so were the covers. The place was overheated and Sonny thought about the last mountain refuge he was in. He could put Will under one of this scratchy, heavy blankets, after a day of hiking maybe. He had so many things to live with him. For now, he dozed off, safe and wrapped up in Will's happy arms.

And when he woke up, when the dreams fade off, it was still real. And awesome. He peppered Will with small kisses all morning, grateful and overflowing with tenderness. They chose Avignon for the next stop. The train was one of these extremely fast blue TGV that got you there in less than two hours, without a sound, making you wonder if it was really moving, until Sonny looked out the window and saw things past in a blurred, beautiful way. Spring was blooming all around, flowers exploding in the bright sunlight. That's where the whole world wanted to live and Sonny saw why. He fell asleep against Will's shoulder, finally letting go after so many unresting nights.

Avignon had kept his fortification towers. Those were square, not round and seemed more military. The walked slowly, savoring the stoned streets, the preserved middle-age, the souvenirs shop, selling cooking herbs and "santons" Christmas figurine. They reached the central place and stood there, gaping. Narbonne's cathedral was nothing compared to this. The popes' palace. In fact, the whole city had an aristocratic look, bursting culture and beauty at them. They were like two children, opening big eyes at the old yellow stoned buildings.

They had been warned, in that heavy south french brawl that made understanding the language much easier, that the "Mistral" was up and bitchy and that it could last days. Even wind had a name and a personality here and not a weak one either... Up on a hill on the other side of the river Rhône, in an old fort that was there as a look-out, they tried and look at the view but failed. The wind _was_ spiteful, whipping them and making them close their eyes by instinct. Their hands were attached by just a tiny finger and Sonny felt actual fear.

They went back to the city itself, discovering new spot, sitting near fountains made of statues and then they saw a merry-go-round. It was all golden and rococo, with proud white horses but then, as it took speed, it turned into a light-shaped spaceship. Will was so excited, he couldn't help jumping on the stoned square and Sonny just had to ask him if he wanted to ride it. Will blushed so much Sonny saw all the nuances of red, even in the nightly luminosity. "Just for that, I love you more, Will. I'll come with you..." They turned and turned, even after it has stopped and they were back to walking, laughing and kissing under the benevolent stars.

After making love, they were still awake and ready to open their soul a little more. The bed was larger and better for cuddle so Sonny took Will's head on his chest and whispered "Will, you have brothers and sisters?" "Yeah, three. All younger than me. You?" "Three also, all older." Will chuckled "So, you've never dealt with diapers or late-night crying." "Why, your parents needed lots of help?" Will sighed "My family isn't like yours, I guess. Stable, lasting relationships are not my mother's forte. I learned that way. I'll be ready." Will smiled, wide and shy "So you want children one day." Will closed his eyes and turned on his belly, yawning "children are making life brighter, aren't they? You are the one making mine shine at the moment. Just turn yourself off for the moment, I need to sleep..." Sonny pulled his boyfriend closer and brushed his back "You're my sun too, even in the night. I love you."


	8. Roussillon

Red, red everywhere. It was like being in a mini Grand Canyon. Expect the landscape came from old ocher quarries and there was a village all in shades of red and orange next to it, Roussillon. This was making the renting a car and driving stick almost worth it. When they would have forgotten their fear at the very nervous way people drove here, the memory of the day would surely be magical. All these villages with houses cascading down rocky peaks, like breathtaking Gordes even had Sonny take two more photos that he wanted to show his mom. There was a ocher museum where they had been surrounded with bright natural colors and the streets were packed with local product sellers. Will marveled at everything but didn't buy any of it. He was traveling light. And Sonny surmised that the change of plan had tighten Will's buying power considerably. They were heading to Paris because from there Will had a next flight ticket to the Netherlands and Sonny hoped to buy a cheap one for the same destination. He didn't want Will to cancel all what he had planned to see. But he didn't want them to part ways either. He wanted to spend all his time with Will. All of it.

They stopped on the road near a gurgling river with stony banks. There were a few courageous swimmer splashing around and the sun was hot for the end of April so they settled for a quick nap. When Sonny woke up, he smiled at Will who was still snoring, his nose turning a little red. He should buy sunscreen. Sonny tried the water and although it was icy, he managed and swim a little in a very reinvigorating way. In the meantime, a beautiful french young woman had approached Will and was chatting him up. Will spoke a correct french and was laughing at something she told him, with Sonny standing a few feet away, watching him, thanking every power in the heavens for having made him meet him. Will gestured him and introduced him as his boyfriend. Sonny felt wonderful hearing the french words "petit ami" and tried not to laugh at the disappointed expression the girl wore. She recovered quickly and introduced her own group. One thing led to another and soon they fond themselves in a big old stone house, drinking red wine that was produced with the grapes growing all around the village, being explained the wine-making method by the enthusiastic owners, who were apparently the girl's uncle and aunt. They all more or less camped in the big attic. With other people around, they couldn't have sex, so they just cuddled and whispered things to each other "You liked the wine?" "It was strong. I didn't drink a lot." "Yeah, I noticed." "Why, were you making sure I don't get drunk like in Barcelona? Are you my mom?" "No, I was looking at you very closely because I always look at you. In case you didn't know, I find you mesmerizing." This got Sonny a grateful open-mouthed kiss that made him melt "I love you so much, Sonny." This was the first time he used the actual world. Sonny wanted this man so much. He considered going for a hunt for the toilets for intimate privacy (in France toilet seats had their own tiny rooms most of the time, expect in hostels.) but he didn't want to cheapen the experience. He could wait until the next night... Or stop the car in the countryside somewhere... He fell into erotic dreams where Will featured gloriously naked and willing. But at the end of the dreams they were angry and Will slammed the door behind him. Sonny woke up with a start. He felt the real Will move next to him and sighed of relief.

They did stop on the way back to the Avignon train station. There was a little woody hill and they found a remote place enough. Will leaned against a tree trunk and waved Sonny to him. Sonny teased him for a few seconds, walking up to him at a tortuous slow pace, but he didn't keep at it long. Holding Will in his arms was something that he needed desperately. Sonny started kissing Will's neck and felt him shaking with desire. He was about to talk a little dirty but as he looked into Will's eyes, the despair was back. Stronger than before, it seemed. Sonny's hands stopped their descent. "Will, I need you to tell me what is wrong." Will shook his head "Nothing is wrong, I want you. Make love to me." Sonny was tempted. Will's voice was shallow and rocky, making him react down there. But he couldn't let this go on. Will was more than a hot body. Way, way more. "Will, open up, I beg you. It's killing me when you're that sad. I feel helpless." Will turned his head too late and Sonny's eyes caught the repressed tears. He knelt and pressed Will's hand "I won't judge you, I promise. I love you, that makes me the most important person ever. When we'll go to Salem, I..." Will shook his head again "Don't..."

Sonny gulped. He didn't like where this was going. But rather rip the band-aid and finally know... "Don't what, my love?" Will slid down, as if he was a soft puppet, released from his strings. He hid his face in his hands "Don't talk about Salem. Let's focus on now, please. Not the future. Just the trip." Sonny jumped on his feet "Are you kidding me? You said you loved me too!" "I did. And it's true. But I can't... I mean..." "Why?" Sonny's voice could have cut steel. He didn't care right now.

Will didn't respond, got up and walked back to the car. He sat in the driver's seat, which was a smart move as he needed to focus a lot on the driving and Sonny knew he couldn't be distracted. The drive was silent. In a way, it was worse than Sonny's dream. There was no fight, no yelling. Just distance, a place in Will's head he couldn't go to. They reached the car renting agency and went into the train station. Will took Sonny's hand in his on the platform and looked at him with a steady sad gaze "Let's enjoy the time we have together, Sonny. It's going to be great, I swear." Sonny shook his head "How long is that?" "In 4 month I have to be back home." "Why?" Will spoke and the words were there, worse than he could imagine "I'm getting married" Sonny felt a load of concrete enter his body and glue him on the spot. No. No way.

**I'm so so sorry guys. You'll have to trust me on that one. You know I always come true and I promise it'll be worth the angst...**


	9. Paris

**Strangely, "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" performed by "Sleeping At Last" fits this chapter pretty well. Don't you think?**

"You're..." For a moment this was the end of Sonny's voice. Then anger kicked in and it was back with a vengeance. "You said you loved me!" Will looked at him with a confused look "I do." "So, what, you cheated on someone with me and you call that what? Loving two people at the same time?" Will almost choked "No! I didn't cheat! It's not like that... I don't have a choice, you see. It's not about my little self. I..." He was still holding Sonny's hand. Sonny was pulling it away but Will kept a tight grip "Let me off!" There were tears in his tone, he was sure. And suddenly he realized Will hadn't been precise "Who are you marrying? A guy or a girl?" "Sonny..." Will's voice was reproachful. That made Sonny madder. "Answer me!" Will's head hung low. A whisper escaped "A girl..."

Sonny couldn't believe he had gotten into that. A beard... A fucking beard! Will was _that_ weak... The train noiselessly slid on the track just when Sonny finally freed his hand and took a step back. "Go." He gestured to the train. Will gasped "What?" "Go! Take that damn train and leave!" "You're leaving me?" Will shrieked quietly. "Are you kidding?" Sonny laughed coldly. "I would have given you everything. I would have made you my whole life... What do you want from me, Will?" He added with desperation "A fuck on the side of your marriage? Or just good memories? Choose _me_, Will! Or leave!"

The passengers had exited the train car and those on the platform were getting in. Will was standing with his mouth open, like a stupid, stupid fish and Sonny hated him with all his might at that minute. But when he saw him enter the train, looking like a puppy kicked out of the house, it took all his willpower and dignity and rage not to join him and kiss him better. He watched the door close and the TGV took off, gaining unstoppable speed, taking away Will, Sonny's heart and the whole fucking world. And it left a gray concreted platform, a gray Sonny, and a gray world behind.

The real world did turn gray. It started raining. Not heavily, but in a dull, steady way. The clouds were mourning Will's departure with him and it didn't help. For days, it rained and Sonny was prostrated. He spent the day at the station. Then he went in the line and changed his train ticket. "Pour où, monsieur?" _To where? Hell, maybe? No, he was there already. _

So he went somewhere. Northern. As far as his pain allowed it. Little by little, station by station, he reached the big city...

Paris, the city of love... And here he was roaming the street, the ghost of Will's hand still in his, blue eyes superimposing on any of the beautiful sights, making them a little dull in comparison. He could scream. He wanted Will to be there so much. Something deep in his heart was immune to the resentment that inhabited him and just wanted closeness and love. It was still raining often and he spent his time in cafés, drinking hot creamy chocolates and sleeping in the day. At night, he zombied into clubs for a few times, then gave up and just sat on the slump, cheap mattress, looking at Will's number on his phone. He should find work. He should take a plane. He should continue living.

He got a phone-call one afternoon. It woke him up and he watched his cell ring with the lights going on and off. They were pretty. He knew it wouldn't be Will. He hadn't try and contact him since the train station. Sonny had been used. Big time. He looked at the name on the blinking screen. It said Mom but it was his uncle Victor's number. It's just his uncle had no reason to call him so it must be Adrienne. She shouldn't worry about him. And talking to her might provide a distraction from the numbing pain.

"Hello Mom..." "Oh Sonny, am I waking you up? Is it night already?" "No, Mom, it's 5 pm. Although it is so dark with all the clouds, it feels like night. How are you? How's Dad?" "We are both fine, darling. How about you?" He didn't know what to answer to that. Empty? Dull? Washed away? In pain? Broken... "I'm OK, Mom. I'm in Paris." "Oh Sonny, that's wonderful! I loved that place so much! We went on our honeymoon there, me and your Dad..." Of course, she was pushing a dagger in his chest, with her cheerful voice "In fact I suggested it as a honeymoon destination to a lovely young woman just the other day. I had tea with my book club, you know..." Here she was, blabbing away. No need to provide his part of the conversation, which was a relief. It was like listening to an affectionate radio. Until she said something along the line of "I don't understand how she could agree to that, but I guess young people are more independent and after all they're both so young... Nevertheless, traveling abroad, when you're engaged to a beautiful girl, that doesn't bode well, doesn't it?" Sonny took the phone off his ear and looked at the piece of technology that was going to mock his bleeding heart "What's that girl's name already, Mom?" "Oh, Gabi Hernandez. Why?" "And she's marrying who?" "I don't think you've ever met him, Sonny. He's Sami Brady's older son. He went back and forth to plenty relatives. The boy had it rough. Sami is a piece of work..." Sonny felt certain so he asked "Are they related to Carrie Reed? I think she mentioned that name?" "Oh, of course, she's Sami's half-sister. And Father Eric's twin, which make for a startling contrast if you ask me..." The rest was blurred as the cellphone was laid on the bed. Sonny was sobbing so much, he didn't hear the thunder outside, nor the lightnings who stroke the peak of the Eiffel Tower repeatedly. He hung up completely and stayed there, bawling and yelling, with panic rising into his chest as he realized he couldn't stop it.

When the sun peaked inside his hostel room the next day, piercing the fluffy white clouds that had replaced the gray after the storm, its rays brushed against Sonny's cheek like a little bird's wing. And as he woke up, eyes swollen and clothes crumpled, he felt hope return to his heart. That he would find back his happiness, that he would stop hurting and longing for Will, that dream that he thought was real and was just that illusion, a grainy film that played on a back alley wall and, now, the roll had gotten to the end and he could go on. First thing first, he needed a new destination. One that would blow his mind and help him forget. One where he wouldn't bump into him because now he knew his schedule. He crossed the bridge on the Seine, deciding he would come back, at a later, lighter time, and he would visit the Louvre. With the life-partner he was sure to have found by then. It was a soothing promise and it replaced a little bit the image of Will and this Gabi person walking hands in hands in those streets, with ring-bearing hands and sugar-sweet smiles. Yes, one day, he would be over him. Wouldn't he?


	10. Scotland

**Avalanche by Leonard Cohen, in repeat, is what I listened to while writing this.**

So, he went to Scotland. Among the austere, raw and beautiful peaks where he got back the feeling of being above the world, above the darkness. He would look at the far horizon and attain a serenity that he had craved for. It came back different though, as if he had matured a bit and gotten more poised. Through Charlie he had gotten a network of places to crash at and people to meet and befriend. Mountaineer clubs, some funny friends, his brother. He drank lots of scotch and shoot darts in remote pubs, talking philosophy or applied economic with students, talking weather conditions with locals... His days were filled with wonders. His cell was ringing and beeping all the time, so he always opened messages without thinking. One day, he got a photo. It was a canal. With bikes on the bridge and tall and lean gingerbread houses on the banks and flowers everywhere. Underneath it, just one word : Amsterdam.

He didn't answer, but he dreamt of it. Fog, and flat, flat land, that he only knew about but here it was before him, like a film starring his Will... Well not _his _anymore, or never. Will smiling his shy, sun-like smile that made Sonny think he had traveled to the depths of the universe where bright stars blinded you with their eternal beauty. Will connecting with him, in his sleep, but in reality too and in his demure, stubborn way that Sonny was becoming aware of. He hadn't let go and that was frustrating and very touching.

He went for a long hike and lost any kind of signal, so when they reached civilization later, he had lots of texts and messages. And two photos. One of a windmill, as sweet as one from a children book. And one of a tulip field. Red tulips. Sonny looked around him. He raised his cell and took a picture, wrote the name of the peak and sent it back. He didn't even sign.

The fourth photo was from Norway. It was a fjord. Sonny's breath hitched. He sat near the loch, on a dark rock and pointed at the castle afar. The photo looked good and he smiled when the notification popped up. He had been told ghost stories about that place, but actually seeing a paranormal event would be less scary than losing that fragile connection. He prayed Will would go on. Even if he was hurting inside, at least, he hadn't lost him completely. In his head, he pictured the map of Europe. There was just a sea between them. A cold one, with ships sinking and miles and miles of it but it still wasn't _that_ far. And there was an ocean between Will and the fiancée. Sonny could pretend, pathetically, that he was nearer Will's heart. After all Will was gay. He was deceiving her and she would hurt one day. That wasn't what he had expected from Will. He was so... aware of people. So kind and delicate. Were his parents that awful that he had to hide like that? Adrienne seemed to despise Will's mother but Sonny had learned to be guarded of her judgment.

He noticed the letter as he was watching the fifth photo once again, seated in a restaurant, in the streets of Edinburgh. There was an E on the side of a Norwegian boat. Will had taken the photo so that you only saw that letter in the whole name. Sonny frowned and opened the other pictures. There was always something that was or looked like a letter. The windmill's sails looked like an L for instance. And a child was doing a victory sign near the viewpoint to the fjord and...

At that moment a new picture arrived. Would it be a Y or a U? The _U_niversity sign on red buildings. So, there it was and there had also been the I and the O and... Sonny's fingers were trembling but he couldn't stop the search for Will's number. He listened to the ringing signal, his heart beating fast. He was about to hang up when he heard Will's breathless tone "Hello?" Then after a few seconds "Sonny?" The longing in his voice was too much "I'm here..." They both waited.

"Thanks for the message." Sonny finally said "And the photos." Will was still silent and Sonny hated not seeing him. What was going on in his head? In his heart? He was the one wounded and yet he felt he had to reach him. As Will had reached him with his photographic declaration. "I need to know. Everything. All the reasons. Then, we can decide." It was possible to hear a loud sigh, even with a bad phone signal. And it filled Sonny's ears with delight. He didn't add anything. "I can take a plane I guess. You want me to, Sonny?" You couldn't nod with a phone either. You had to voice your answer, even if it took all the oxygen left and your throat was contracted with repressed tears. "Yes. I'm in Edinburgh." "OK. I'll text you when I have my ticket."

In the meantime, sonny took photos. Without letters. Just photos of little details he spotted in the historical center. The statue of a dog. A discolored stone on an elegant porch. The upper part of the bell tower of the cathedral, with its crown spire. Two men holding hands in public... He sent each one, even when Will was in the plane. They lacked words but they had images.

Will traveled from the airport on his own. Sonny waited near the estuary. All along, the mountains had welcomed Sonny's singleness, but the bodies of water were for the two of them, for what was a strange and deep relationship.

Will stood before him, gorgeous as ever, looking unsure and determined. Sonny was leaning against a wooden barrier that felt fragile but he needed physical support so it would do. He avoided Will's gaze. He needed explanations before he would bow to these two pieces of blue heavens. He stared at the bay, silent.

"I wasn't supposed to meet you."


	11. Edinburgh

**Wow, so much love in all these reviews! And here I am dragging you through hell. I feel guilty. So, let's have a less dark chapter, hey?**

"But you did, and now what?" Sonny kept his voice subdued on purpose. Will sighed. "You changed me. I was prepared for my future. I had accepted frustration. Now, I feel like I'll be lacking oxygen." Sonny waited. His nervous anticipation had turned into a bleak feeling. Why would Will send "I love you" in the photos and then... Unless Sonny made it all up. He should ask. But later, now he needed to know. "Why? What is making you do this Will? Marry a girl?" He looked up, at a bird taking off a tree and flying to the boats on the bay. Will stuttered "Sonny, I... I'm gonna be a dad."

If he had walked ahead, Sonny would have entered the waters. Felt them engulf him, bring him peace. He couldn't cry but his heart was yelling. He couldn't see anymore but his life was unfolding in front of him, full of Will everywhere with no possibility of escape. He didn't want to. What Will's love had brought him was worth every hardship. Sonny turned slowly. Will was looking at the ground. "Will, look at me, please?" he saw the struggle and let him take the time he needed. The blue was there, hypnotic, water-like, pulling him in, trashing his last feeble defenses. "Do you still have feelings for her?" Will shook his head "Just as a friend. But I don't want to... I can't... This will be a marriage based on care and affection and we believe it could work. We've got to try."

Sonny's throat constricted. Will hadn't given up on the idea. He was contradicting himself and Sonny wondered why he came. "If I stay with you, I'm betraying my child. I'm betraying my friend and I can't do that." That was the reason for the marriage, then. Loyalty, taking responsibility. The pieces of Will formed at least an image that made sense, that explained Sonny's feelings for him. "So, what should we do? What shall I do" Sonny waited and heard, incredulous "Convince me."

So, it was up to him. He was still processing what Will had said. There would be a baby. No more trips for Will. No more freedom. Lots of worries. Would he be a part of that? How? He chose brutal honesty "I don't know if I should. Maybe you're right." Will sat on the grass, without warning, almost falling "I don't know which mistake to make. Lose you or tie you to my mess."

And at that moment Sonny knew. He didn't love Will because he was gorgeous, even though he was. He didn't because of his angelic eyes or his sweetness. He loved him because Will gave all, all the time. Because he wanted all from life and when it ruined his dreams, he owned up. Because loving was what he was. The way he talked of Gabi was filled with affection and Sonny didn't feel jealous, just touched. He sat next to Will and asked "When is she due?" "Four months." "Like the wedding?" "No" Will looked up "We planned it for after. No need to stress Gabi now. She said we should enjoy our last moment of carelessness. That I should travel and meet guys." This made Sonny frown. There was something odd here. But what mattered now was to tell Will. Make him understand wholly. He held his hand. Will looked at it suspiciously. The hug was what Sonny had wanted for so long. Holding Will, feeling him breathe. How could he have fooled himself. He would never get over him. So, he had to reach him. "Will, the photos, they spelled I love you, right?" "Yes." "So do I. I'll be there for you, Will, through everything. Lots of kids grow up in two homes and they do all right. If you allow me, I'll be a part dad too." He felt Wills tears on his jacket. They felt like a blessing. He kissed Will gently. He had try and reach him with his words. Now it was time for another kind of convincing. And he would put all his soul and body in it.

He buried himself in Will, feeling him wither, hearing him moan his name and he realized something. Will had made him his. He hadn't chosen anything. The pleasure traveled through his dick, linking it to his heart, which was bursting with joy. They had found each other. They were in an old apartment, belonging to a relation of Charlie, who was away. The May scottish sun was timidly lighting the room, making Will's hair and skin shine, rending the moment a little bit more magical. The way Will offered himself, letting Sonny in his tight warm intimacy, the way he shouted shamelessly, arching his back and demanding for more, for harder, faster, all of it made Sonny surrender, become Will's shadow for as long as Will would want it.

The afterglow wasn't happy. Nor sad or frustrating either. Will was weeping again, so was Sonny. He felt overflowing from various emotions and what made it bearable was that Will seemed to mirror each and every one.

"You're convinced, now?" Will nodded "What about you? You're sure about this? It won't be easy, you know. What if you regret it?" Sonny smiled "I'll take the risk. I love you, Will. I cannot stop. I pushed you away because you didn't want to be with me in the long run. If you do, though, I'll stand by you. I can give you my strength." Will's hand messed up Sonny's hair "You know I changed what I said. I _was_ supposed to meet you. You're my second chance. I'll talk to Gabby. I hope she takes it well."

But Will didn't have to call her. The cell rang in the evening. Will was close to orgasming at that moment, so the cell rang on. Then Will looked at the caller ID and pressed the button "Hi, Dad! How are things in Salem?" sonny saw his lover's face go from relaxed to horrified in seconds "Is it the baby? Tell me she's all right, please?" And that's how Sonny learned the baby was a girl. And she was fine. "OK, Dad, thanks." Will hung up and turned to Sonny. He had, in his eyes, the look of the damned "Gabby has confessed to a serious crime. She was an accessory to an kidnapping that resulted in an explosion that killed people. She'll be prosecuted." Sonny gaped. What had Will done in a past life to deserve all of this? How could he protect him now. "Is she in prison?" "No, not as long as she's pregnant. But after, we don't know..."


	12. Crossroad

**As this is an AU, Sonny is not a cousin of Abigail here and a few other character's fate have been altered.**

**I thought about a Buffy's(sic) soundtrack of an episode called "the gift" and it was perfect here.**

Will was prostrated, knees bent, face in his folded arms, inaccessible to Sonny who felt like an intruder. He tried to change that and put a cautious hand on Will's shoulder but it was shaken away. Sonny didn't want to add anything to Will's distress and wondered how he could help. Did Will need time to process things or should he take him out of this state by talking? He chose the latter. He didn't want Will to feel alone in this. "Will, darling, did you know about this?" Will's hair moved a little from side to side. Sonny felt weak. He ground his teeth and went on "Did you learn something else? Does she want to talk to you?" "Don't know..." It was a pained whisper. "I'm here, Will. I love you." "How come you still want to be?" Will finally raised puffed eyes to him. Sonny wanted to fly to the states and punch that girl that had trapped Will like that. His muscles were aching with the restraint. Very softly he said "What kind of a man would I be if I let you down when things go sour? I wouldn't be worthy of you." The gratitude in Will's eyes made all the rest inconsequential. Sonny swore they would go through this. "My father is a lawyer. A good one. I can ask him to assist her, if that's what you want?" "I don't know..." Sonny sat just next to Will and slid one arm around his shoulders. Will was trembling. "Are you mad at her?" And that's when Will told him...

Sonny remembered about the explosion, actually. He had read it on the news and had called his parents immediately. Luckily they were unharmed and so was the rest of his family. Two or three people had died. He didn't know them. But Will did. They were his uncle Jack (Will had a lot of uncles and aunts apparently), his best friend T and another friend, Melanie. She wasn't killed in the explosion actually, but by her kidnapper. Nobody had really known the man's motivation, as his actions had led to the explosion and he was killed too. What Gabi had just told the police was that she was the one who hired him. To kidnap her friend Melanie. Because she was obsessed with Melanie's boyfriend, Chad. It sounded pathetic. To Sonny, it also sounded surreal. His mind had already twisted itself around to accept the idea of a baby in his life and now, he had to take in all these facts as well as Will's suffering.

"So, are you flying back to Salem?" "No. Not yet. My mom and dad are the one flying to Zurich. They want us to meet here and discuss our options." "OK, then I'll come with you." Will looked at him with such emotions, Sonny's breath was taken away. Which meant Will could talk uninterrupted "I really, really would love that. But, Sonny, even though you mean everything to me now, even though I love you and trust you, I have to decline." Sonny refused to panic but his breathing barely returned. "You don't want my help, when you most need it?" "I do want it. But Sonny, if we look at things objectively... My parents never heard of you. My daughter's birth will be a life-changing event for me as much as for them. They won't think you can be privy to it or give your opinion. I'll tell you everything, I'll ask what you think, I promise, but I don't want to have to fight them about this. Because, and this is the second reason, this is going to be a fucking rodeo. Lots of yelling and threats... I'm used to it but I don't want you to be upset."

Sonny looked through the windows at the old stone walls of the ancient Edinburgh buildings. Instead of fascinating and beautiful, they now looked dark and gloomy. He could see some dark stains, a few broken chips... He couldn't stay here anymore. But if that was what Will needed... "So, you want me to wait for you here?" Will sighed "Only if you want to. Maybe you could choose a new destination. I would love you to enjoy yourself. Actually, I need you to be happy. That will be one thing less to worry about and you can call me and tell me about it..." His eyes were almost begging, but his voice was determined and, for Sonny, sexy as hell. So, they used the brand new computer sitting on the old wooden desk. Sonny went on his last-minute-flight sites and booked him and Will a flight to London. From here, Will would go to Switzerland and Sonny to Ireland. Then they skyped with his dad. Justin knew Will and liked him a lot. He seemed prudent about Gabby, though "I don't know if I can be objective enough. I knew all the people who died well." "So did I, Mr Kiriakis. She's pregnant with my child. I'm angry but I want to protect my future daughter's interest." Justin paused then replied "I'll tell you my answer soon. We'll keep in touch. I'll call you later, Sonny." With that done, they silently agreed to put everything aside and just focus on them. Sonny didn't press for sex. He still wanted Will, after already making love to him twice that day, but he chose to take care of him. He prepared a bath, thanking Charlie and his folks for this perfect place, where he could try and heal Will. While Will relaxed in the steamy water, Sonny prepared a late-night snack. He took his time, carving the vegetables and working on the plate layout. Will came from the bathroom, looking ten times better and Sonny's soul squeed. He led Will to the couch and put the plate on the coffee table. Will's eyes sparkled and Sonny felt he had climbed a new mountain he didn't know yet. He fed Will like a baby bird. He even got a smile for a second. He kissed it and brushed Will's soft, fair hair then massaged it a little. He heard a "Hmm... That feels good..." so he took Will to the bed, took out the towel he was still wrapped in, took in his young, virile body, then turned him on his belly and gave him a long, tender massage. He thought Will would fall asleep but when he brushed his back at the end, Will turned and took him in his arms. Sonny felt protected and safe. That Will could still procure that was incredible.

They spent the whole flight and airport time joined at the hip. And the arm and the shoulder. Heads touching too, sharing their mind somehow. Will was going to face the music, take decision, demand answers from Gabby. Sonny was going to live his last days of freedom. "You know what, darling?" "Yes?" "I considered telling you to be open-minded and of you meet someone else, it would be OK for me." His voice faltered "But I can't. You're making my life bearable. Worth the pain. I hope you'll save yourself for me." Sonny felt victorious. He had gotten through to Will. What still worried him sick was Gabby. Because now he was tied to her and her child, as much as he was tied and glued to Will.

He walked in the streets of Dublin, ready to meet Benedict, who had finished his trip, while a part of him accompanied Will to his family meeting. He sent positive thoughts to his man and prepared himself for the emerald nature that awaited him.


	13. Dublin

**Do you know "Wondrous Place" by Alice Gold ? I suggest it for this chapter.**

Ireland was magical. Sonny went from one bright façade of a pub to another. He barely paused for drinks. He did pause to send photos and comments to Will. Then, Benedict took him to a great park that was so immense, you felt it never ended, and they talked and laughed a lot. Sonny was glad to see him so light and easygoing. He still felt a little guilty for not having clearly stated at first that he wasn't interested. Benedict didn't seem to mind now. In his home town, he was less shy and much more confident. He asked about Will but didn't press it when Sonny remained vague. They spent the night meeting friends in the gay community and partying. Then Sonny slept on the couch at his friend's tiny apartment. He slept like a log after re-reading Will's last text of the day which said "I miss U. I love U."

The next day, Sonny woke up in great form and chatted with Benedict who was getting ready for work. He asked for a few tourism pointers. Benedict presented a few hurriedly. They parted on the street and Sonny began musing around. At first, he focused on the street musicians and performers. He listened, talked, marveled. When he took a break to call Will, he had plenty to say. Will sounded tired but his voice had gotten back some of its energy and, to Sonny, this was a fresh delivery of oxygen. "I wish you could see all this Will, this city is vibrating with life!" "I know, darling. But you're taking me here, make me visit through your words. It's the next best thing, trust me..." Sonny's voice trailed. "Yeaaah..." He gulped and added "I am so lucky to have found you." "Really?" "Really?" "You swear?" "On your life." The laugh that followed was exactly what Sonny was aiming at. He told Will a few jokes he heard in the pubs while he walked in search of food. Which was just another wonder. After south France, it was difficult to top things gastronomically speaking but the grubby-looking dishes were really satisfying. Problem was, he didn't want to hang up because Will's voice was nourishing too in an emotional way. He juggled paying, holding his sandwich and eating it noiselessly while Will explained what had happened. He sounded glad to see his parents at least. And Carrie was being very maternal too. "I lived with her for a few years, you see, so... And I talked about you!" "Really, what did you say?" "That Justin was willing to help me, because I knew his son. Dad remembers you. He says you were in Salem a few times and that Justin looked terribly proud of you. So, dad says you must be a great guy!" Sonny felt himself melting, not so much at the compliment as at the excitement in Will's voice. He swallowed a morsel and replied "Well, I know I'm not half the man my father is. But I'm relieved your dad will say that. It's never too soon to gather a few points with the in-laws..." He shut his mouth immediately but of course Will had heard him perfectly. "The in-laws... Sonny, I..." He waited, the empty sandwich paper in his hand and one foot on the pavement, frozen. Then Will finally finished his sentence "... I love that you would say that without thinking. We are certainly not there in our relationship but you are thinking of long-run..." Sonny cut him "I am. You have changed my perspective, Will. I was thinking about names on the plane... I know I won't choose it, but it's kinda weird how normal it's beginning to feel." On the line there was silence. Sonny wondered if Will was crying or was just doubtful. But the last words were "I gotta go, my mom is calling me. She sounds strained. Thanks for all you just said, it'll help me through the discussion." If he the pavement hadn't been so uneven, Sonny would have made a little jumpy dance move. Instead, he whispered "Yes!" and resumed his solitary rambles.

Benedict had insisted they meet at a restaurant but Sonny had been as adamant they eat at a pub instead. He wanted authentic. He won and got to eat plenty, while his friend poured him beer all through the evening. Sonny was past drunk when he got to the apartment. He brushed away any proposal of talking again and fell on the couch, snoring a little. He registered his cell slipping from his fingers but thought it couldn't fall again now.

The next day was a Saturday and they had planned a trip in the countryside. Sonny was thrilled. While he was fishing for his cell, behind the couch, he checked with Benedict if he had though of everything for their night away in a refuge. They would walk a lot which was fine for Sonny. He loved hiking and Ireland's nature was so luscious. He located his cell on the kitchen counter and sent a "Hey darling, slept well? Any news?" but didn't get an answer. True that, it was one hour later there and Will might be busy. He remembered how hopeful he had sounded and sent him good thoughts (and lustful thoughts as well) with his mind.

With each step on the wood path, he sighed of happiness. Will was going through hardship, but he had done nothing wrong and Sonny felt sure he would manage. In this bright sun, even the infamous Gaby felt less like a menace and more like someone to pity. With Will's love, even from afar, Sonny's enjoyment of things had multiplied and he wanted to hug every person he met, just to whisper to them "It's so great to be in love, you know. You should try it." He borrowed Benedict's camera to take some quality picture that he could send Will via e-mail later. When they stopped for dinner at an inn, he took the phone off his pocket and frowned. No texts, no missed calls. The screen was as virgin as possible. He didn't want to worry stupidly but it was odd. "Hi darling, I miss you, I need to hear from you to get my fix." No answer still. It was 10 pm now and his guts were tightening with fear. If something had happened to Will, no-one would think to call him. He tried a call for the nth time...


	14. Cherbourg

**'High hopes' by kodaline is a good song for this and a good hint for this chapter.**

Benedict woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and bumped into Sonny who was in the main room, next to the cold fireplace, which was the bast place for good cell reception. "Everything's all right, Sonny? I thought you'd be beat after all the walking." Sonny yawned "I am. But I'm worried about Will. Last time I heard from him was yesterday night. Maybe his texts got delayed..." "Or maybe he lost his phone or forgot it somewhere. It's kind of late now. You should sleep..." Sonny got up, groggily and walked to his bunk. His eyes were closing against his will. He was feeling more and more uneasy.

The next day, they walked even more in remote places. No signal at all here. Normally Sonny wouldn't have minded, he wasn't a slave to technology. But his link to Will was thinner and thinner. He had Carrie's land line, but it was always busy. Maybe Will had gone back to the States... But without telling him? He walked slowly, with a heavy heart, the gray weather mirroring his dull mood. It started raining and to Sonny, it felt like tears. His or Will's?

They shortened their route and Benedict took him to a small fancy restaurant, by the side of a busy road. Waiters were waltzing around, carrying half-empty plates of new _cuisine_. The walls were nuances of beige and there was almost no noise. It felt all wrong. Sonny wanted to feel alive, full of energy and there was only one way of regaining that. He opened his app, passing painfully and quickly the empty screen, looking for flights. He did it discreetly, as if Benedict could have argued. Which was silly but all day long he had assuaged his fears with soothing words, saying things like "He's probably busy. He'll appreciate it if you don't harass him." or "You said Will wanted you to enjoy yourself and you are not now. Relax, man..." and Sonny was afraid he might try again. This time he didn't want to be influenced. His whole being was telling him to leave. Will wasn't, couldn't be OK if he didn't stay in contact. Or he wasn't Will anymore. Or Sonny had been sadly deceived.

So they drove back to the city but Sonny asked to go to the docks. Benedict obliged silently. When they got there, he asked "You want to visit here? It's quite industrial." "No, man. I'm taking a ferry to France. I need to see Will." Benedict frowned and his voice changed a little "Come on Sonny! Can't you exist on your own? Has that guy made you his puppet?" The shock made Sonny stare instead of retorting right away. Who was Benedict, really? Maybe shy didn't mean good. Maybe he put everyone he met on the same scale as selfless Will. "I think we should leave things at that. This is my life and I'll make my own decisions, if you don't mind. Thanks for the stay. I'm sorry we had to fight." And he left, without a look back. He heard "Sonny, I'm sorry, we need to talk!" but his resolve was strong and he reached the boat just in time. As it glided in the dock polluted waters, he saw Benedict run and wave, looking distraught. Sonny felt like all this was a waste. But he never regretted his decision.

He slept a little, then watched the coast of Brittany appear, all cliffs and clear sand. He went through Cherbourg, oblivious to his surroundings and booked a bus to Le Havre. There, he had gotten a flight after someone canceled. He had begged on the phone, until he got it. Now, he looked out of the window, the Celtic landscape, the beautiful churches, seeing and forgetting, his mind going over calculations : two days now and no news. He was still calling and it didn't even reach voice mail. It just stopped. Each time, he felt his chest get a little colder. He was being switched off and he didn't smile anymore.

He was boarding the plane when he finally got a text. It was from Will. A breath of fresh air filled his lungs and he felt faint. So he had to wait until he was in Zürich, as cell had to be off for the flight. He ran outside the airport and opened the message. "Leave me alone." The mix of feelings he got at that moment, the hopes and happiness colliding with the crushing, anger and sadness froze him in place. He was unable to move mostly because he didn't know at that moment, where his life was aiming at.

But he had to go forth. He loved Will. More than his life. He had to know, talk things out. For Will. Understand. So he kept his tears inside and took a bus to the apartment, although he wasn't sure anyone was there. He rang and heard Austin ask "Yes?" "Austin, it's Sonny. Can I come up?" "Oh hello Sonny! Well, I don't know if..." He stopped but the door was opened shortly after. Sonny ran up the stairs, forgetting there was an elevator. The adrenaline was pumping him up anyway, he needed to act. He needed to burst the door open and shake Will back to him. But he knocked politely. And the door open in front of Carrie who didn't say anything and just hugged him. Sonny wondered what was going on. A blond woman, probably her sister, looking like Will, came into the hall and asked "Carrie, you know damn well Will can't deal with him now!" She turned around and Sonny was left with his mouth open. Carrie led him to the living room and Will was there.

Dark Will was surrounded by black clouds of anger and disappointment. Sonny could see them, as much as he could see the reproaches in the blue eyes. He almost choked. Will said, his words like ice cubes falling into Sonny's shirt "Get out of here." "No. We need to clear things out." "How? By you lying?" The tremor in his voice gave Sonny a kindle of hope. He gestured to the next guest bedroom "I'm not leaving until I've given you my version of what you accuse me off. You owe me that." "How dare you talk to my son like that?" "Calm down, Sami." It was a male voice. Maybe Will's father. Sonny couldn't turn to look, it would have meant losing the connection with Will's eyes. His cell started ringing. With his thumb in his pocket, he sent the call to voice mail. His tenacity was rewarded and Will nodded. The door closed behind them. Will lost a little of his harshness. Now he looked hurt. He began by "So now you have me you're bored? Is that what it is?" "What are you talking about?" "Oh, don't play dumb, it isn't working. You know what I mean. You thought I wouldn't mind? I trusted you."

The cell rang again and in a feat of inspiration, Sonny took it out. There was one missed call from Benedict that he would certainly not return, but this time, it was Charlie calling "Hi, Charlie, kind of busy now... Can I call y..." "I think I can help you Sonny! Please listen to me now." Will had crossed his arms, looking offended. "It's about Benedict and Will." Sonny put the speakers on and looked at Will with all the love he still felt for him while listening intensely. "We were chatting on Facebook the other day and he hinted at getting together with you. I replied that I thought you had this boyfriend you were head over heels in love with but he wrote he thought you and him were about to break up. This morning, he called me, yelling and demanding to know why I told you. I said I didn't talk to you, although I should have, sorry man..." "It's OK, go on." Sonny was glued to his cell, Will and him were anxiously waiting for the rest. "Anyway he was so angry. He said you should have turn to him for comfort after Will broke up with you. And I said, how did you know he would? And well..." "Yeah." "Apparently, he borrowed your phone." Will let out a strangled yelp. Sonny let out the cell, which fell on the bed, and ran to hug him. They both squeezed hard "You... He... the text said you were having a good time in Dublin. There was a photo with three naked guys and underneath it read 'You don't mind I have my fun, don't you? We said I would enjoy myself for the two of us.'" "That bastard!" He pushed Will away in his fury. He realized instantly that comfort was more important than a phone confrontation and pressed his lips against Will, just as Sami burst through the door "Will, darling, are you...? Oh, I'm sorry... I" Will didn't seem to hear her. He was busy bringing warmth back in Sonny's body through his eyes.


	15. Will's heart

**I suggest you listen to Video Games by Lana Del Rey while reading this.**

"Will, darling, we have to talk, now!" This time the words reached both boys and they turned to Sami who was looking quite upset. Sonny understood her, given what Will must have told her. He gave Will a quick nod toward the door "I'll let you explain. I need my name to be cleared..." Will looked guilty. Sonny hugged him, whispering "You were hurt, Will. And I messed up too a little. I'll tell you later. I'll go and see Carrie and Austen." They reluctantly broke their physical connection. Will took Sami away and grabbed his father on the way. Sonny told everything to Will's uncle and aunt. They looked relieved. Sonny soon found himself with a cup of hot chocolate and a nice spot on the couch. He felt delayed exhaustion hit him hard. He would have cried but not publicly, not a second time. Here, in the cozy apartment, he felt he had gone a full circle, traveling through the chromatic nuances of emotions as well as through countries, growing and struggling, until he could inhabit that feeling, that certainty, that Will and him were meant to be, that he could give Will all what he needed.

Sami didn't look soothed. She eyed Sonny and he resisted cowering, turning his eyes to Will's father instead. The man looked cautious, weighing him mentally. Sonny was more comfortable with that. He knew he could step up, prove his worth. It hit him that those two strangers were very important persons in his life now. He didn't feel like being in the spotlight just right now and asked what was bugging him now that hurt had faded "So, are there news about Gabby? Have you talked to her Will?" He wanted to add "darling", or "honey" or anything coupley, but he didn't dare yet. He wanted Will to appreciate it. Will sighed and slumped on the couch, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, making Sonny tighten with want. He fought it. Loving Will had been all about restraint, waiting... He wondered if there would be any real fun. Then Will glanced at him with a sparkle that promised that his youth and eagerness would be for him shortly. Sonny relaxed and listened to the answers coming from different sources "Oh, she doesn't say anything, she's cunning! Trap Will and then..." "Sami... Let's stay focused, please! She's waiting to find a lawyer and apparently it's kind of difficult..." This was Mr Horton. Sonny hesitated "But what about my...?" Will cut him quickly "No news, here." Sonny frowned. That didn't sound like his father. He would call him as soon as possible. Austin added "An investigation has been opened and she's under scrutiny now. I think she doesn't want to include Will. Or maybe she's scared out of her mind..." "Well, she should be, she's responsible for all those death. She doesn't deserve sympathy!" "She's pregnant, Lucas..." "And that should absolve her?" "No, but the baby will be part of our family." This went on and on. Sonny got the feeling this had been Will's day-to-day life recently. He was at the center of a tornado. Sonny felt bad for leaving, even if it had been Will's wish. Maybe he didn't know what he needed, which was Sonny's presence and support.

Dinner, or at least a sandwiched-on-the-go version of it, provided a distraction and Sonny began wondering about lodgings. Would he sleep on the couch? Sami and Lucas were divorced, Will had told him, so they must each have a room... Turned out he was wrong, it was Lucas who stayed in the living-room and Will took Sonny's hand firmly to his bedroom. Sonny sat, head full of question, body ready to disregard all of them and just pounce his dreamingly hot lover. He let Will decide what was more important and got a steamy kiss as a reward. He needed one thing cleared, though "Will, are you... I mean do your parents... Have they accepted your coming out?" Will looked surprised "Oh, yes, long time ago." Sonny stared, so Will added "I had a boyfriend for a while and they knew about him. But before I was with him I slept with Gaby and when she told me I was the father, I explained that I intended to marry her and make things work. I think my dad was happier about this than my mum. That's why he's so pissed at her, I think. He warned me my life would suck as a gay man. But looks like it sucks regardless." Sonny frowned and backed up a little on the bed "You think your whole life sucks, now? Even us?" Will kissed him, drowning Sonny into a dazzling stupor "No. It was a wild ride and it hurt a lot but I'm overwhelmingly happy it was all fake. I need you Sonny. I can't give you much right now and I hope one day I'll return the caring you're showing me. At least, I can show you my gratitude, right now" and with that, he slid his hand directly into Sonny's pants, stealing his breath and mind by his forwardness. From then on, he surrendered, taking in all the pleasure Will was giving him selflessly, asking every now and then "You like it Sonny? Is it good?" And Sonny came out of the limbs he had fallen into to answer, trying and be sexy "Yeah, it's so good, don't stop!" Will did stop though. He undressed and offered his naked, vibrant body to Sonny who took it greedily and didn't let go until they were both spent and shaking. "Wow..." "I know..." Now Sonny could have talked but Will cuddled with him so well that he retreated back in the fluffiness. They were dozing off, whispering sweet words now and then when both their cellphones rang. It was Justin and Gabby. They gazed at each other then walked to two opposite corners to answer. "Sonny, I hope it's not too late to call? I wanted to warn you, Gabby is about to contact you and Will. I am her lawyer, now." Sonny was relieved. Justin had always made him feel safe. He would protect Will, he was sure of it. Meanwhile, Will was answering Gabby.


	16. Guilt's trip

**Mercy Street by Peter Gabriel is one of my favorite songs of all times. It felt right for this chapter.**

"Gaby is calling Will right now, dad. Can I call you later?" "Hmm, OK, but right after, then. It's important that we discuss this rationally. I'm afraid things must be difficult for Will..." This was an understatement. "Gaby, how could you? Is it because we broke up? Is it my fault?... It is your fault my uncle is dead! And my best friend... And _your_ best friend! Do you have any idea how angry I am at you?" Sonny hesitated. Will seemed on breaking point. Touching him might not be helpful. He sat on the bed and looked at him. "...exactly! If I am your best friend, how will I know you won't betray me, too! I love that baby and it's not even born, yet! Her mother will be a criminal!..." He was pacing the room, breathing heavily and rapidly. Sonny wondered how come the cell-phone was still in his hand and not crashed against the wall. Then he heard it... the tiniest change in Will's voice "I can't help you, Gabs. I've found you a lawyer but that's it..." In the dimness of the bedroom, lit only by the distant streetlights, a small spark of light under Will's eyes showed that he was crying. Sonny got up on sheer instinct and wrapped Will's waist from behind, nesting his head in his lover's soft neck. He rocked him gently to get him through the rest of the phone-call. Now, Will was crying openly, rage and hurt in fragile check. Then, he let his hands down, defeated "She's hung up." While Sonny expected it, the surprised tone got to him. "I'm sure you needed to tell her all that, Precious, but it must have been hard to take in. I agree with what you said. But she still has feelings..." Will was sobbing softly. Sonny rubbed his belly, like he would do a puppy, whispering his love. Will finally sat on the mattress and asked candidly "How can you still love me? I've messed up so much.. If I had not broken Gaby's heart by accepting I was gay way earlier, she might not have gone insane and do all this horrid stuff..." Sonny knelt and put both his hand on the warm refuge of Will's laps. "Will, I want this to be the first and last time I hear you say that. I'm serious" he added, as Will shrugged "I have seen plenty people deal with heartbreak, never like that. I think she acted like a spoiled child and now, she's dealing with the consequences." "But, my daughter..." Will pleading was the worst for Sonny. He needed the earth to move backward if it could help Will get better. "And, yes, you slept with her and got her pregnant. But you owned up. And look at me, I did mistakes too..." Will looked up with an incredulous little smile that gave Sonny just enough fuel to continue "I let Benedict come on to me and really thought he had a chance with me because I stayed passive all along. Then you came back to me and he must have hurt. I do not excuse him in the slightest, though. There have been guys who rejected me in the past. I didn't act like a psycho afterward..." Will was shaking his head "No..." "No, what?" "Guys who do not want you don't exist, unless they're very straight... I wanted to date you the first minute I saw you." Sonny laughed of delight and so did Will. In all of this mess, here they were, on safe shore, ready to take in the storms ahead.

The next one came the next morning. Lucas was eating his scrambled egg when he turned to Sonny and said "Well, Sonny, I think it's time to leave. We have things to settle and you're a stranger to the family. I'm glad Will has one less drama to deal with but..." "But what?" Sonny couldn't soften his tone "I spent last night talking with my father on the phone. He's very careful of Will's interests in this case. Almost more than Gabby's. I am involved in all this and I'm not leaving again. No way, I'm letting Will on his own again." Lucas didn't seem to have listened. They glared for a few seconds. Sami came in, yawning "I have to hurry, my flight is leaving soon. I wish I could stay longer... I'm so grateful you are here, Sonny. Will doesn't look the same." "Thank you, Ms Brady. I'll do my best." Lucas opened his mouth but was bulldozed by Sami "In fact, I think you should go with me, Lucas. Will is in good hands, now. Justin is very ethical and kind, don't you think?" "Yeah, but..." "And Austin and Carrie have been invaded enough." "No, we haven't!" said Carrie, who had stayed silent until then. "You are all welcome here as long as you want. Will is like a son to me..." The exchange of looks this got her with her sister hinted at a troubled past. Sonny was about to get out of the kitchen when Will came in "Hey, mom, why is your suitcase near the door?" "Oh, hi darling! I was telling Sonny and Carrie Lucas and I are flying back to the States." "Oh, OK." He hugged his mother tight and Lucas gave in and hugged him too. He gave one last warning look at Sonny and went to the living-room to collect his things. Will sat and said "Actually, I was thinking... Justin said I shouldn't go back to Salem. He thinks Gabby would be frightened... He's insisted. And I love being with you, auntie, you know that..." He sighed nervously and added "I feel restless and frustrated. I need to do something. I though me and Sonny could go on one last destination." Sonny closed his eyes in relief. He had stayed strong but it would be so good to be in a neutral place, just the two of them. "Sure, where do you want to go?" "Well I have one ticket left, for tomorrow morning. I could use it if you found one for the same flight." Sonny jumped from the table "I'm on it! Come and show it to me..."

And thus, Sami and Lucas departed and Sonny noticed Carrie looked much better. Maybe one day Will would confide about his childhood. But there was no hurry. To fill their Saturday afternoon, the four of them visited a chocolate factory and museum. Sonny's palate was sour from the excess of cocoa and Will tasted like a giant chocolate bar. They ate at an inn that served local, simple food, then Will and Sonny took a walk on the lake's shore. Sonny's arm was around Will, keeping him sheltered from the cold, and from his disturbing thoughts, he hoped.

Will was very eager that night, in a frenzied kind of way. Sonny had an inkling that this time, he was using sex as a distraction and he felt a little sad about it. Then he remembered the Benedict fiasco and just enjoyed the possibility of being intimate with Will again. Will, this precious, precious gift he didn't know he wanted.


	17. Prague

**How about we stretch this out. Let's try classical music. Find Nisi Dominus, RV 608 ("Cum dederit") by Antonio Vivaldi, sung by Sandrine Piau for this...**

"All the panels say 'Praha' Are you sure we landed in the right city?" "Yep. That's how they say it in Czech." "Come on, look at that building, sweetie, it does not look ancient at all..." "It's an airport, Will, it isn't supposed to be old. Come on, let's go to the bus station!"

Sonny never took cabs if he could avoid it. Buses were fun and you could start watching the streets that way. Being seated near a smiling, relaxed beautiful guy, who had just called you 'sweetie' made it all better. He was still babbling about how disappointing the city was and how grey, when suddenly he shut up. The bus had entered the historical center. It was like looking at a fairy tale castle, the very frilly one with elaborated pointy roofs. Some of these roofs were green, some black, some red, some white. The buildings were simple and elegant or overly adorned, yet within all that quest for beauty, Sonny could feel a rough, dark edge, somewhere, as if the city was hiding a secret.

He took Will's hand in his and pressed it silently. This was the last stop, the last moment of self-centered pleasure for Will before the big jump into full adulthood. To Sonny that moment had passed already. He was now doing everything for Will, being careful that he be fine and happy. He pointed to the numerous clocks, the statues, the wall paintings, every little thing and Will would marvel and laugh or gape. And that made Sonny's day. They stumbled upon a market and Will got wild. He bought all he liked. For his whole family. He found an old funny clock for his cousin Abigail and noticed Mel would have liked it too. For a moment, he looked mournful. "You, know, it's kind of hitting me now, what Gabby has done. I remember my uncle's funeral. His relationship with his wife was very complicated but she was still devastated. And Abby still misses him so much. And T was... Well, he was a dork, he always said the wrong thing and he was a little dumb at times..." There was a tear on Will's cheek once again. Sonny looked around not to embarrass him and his attention got caught by a colorful stand. He walked to it. Wooden toys for kids. Baby mobiles with stars or flowers. Funny-looking rattles. He chose a few things and walked back to Will. Will was silent. He wasn't crying anymore, he wasn't smiling. He looked taken aback. Sonny hesitated "You don't like it? You think it won't be safe enough?" Will shook his head. He led Sonny to a bench in a neat little square and said, very seriously "We have to talk."

Why now? What had happened? Did he realize something? Sonny was so frightened, he didn't answer so Will went on "You remember, when you said you would be a part-dad with me?" Sonny nodded. "Well, things have changed, now and I can't offer you this position anymore." Why here? In this beautiful town, caressed by a lazy sun. Maybe that was what the hidden darkness was about. The hardship of life. The shattering of dreams.

Sonny got up, unable to stay near Will, but he felt his arm pulled down and a wet kiss pressed on his surprised lips. "The thing, is," Will continued, and his voice was laden with such a strong emotion, Sonny choked a little "After what I've learned about Gabby, I'm sure of one thing. I don't want her to raise my daughter. She wouldn't be safe. Even if she'll be her mother, I don't want to take the risk. So I'll help her, more than I have until now, but I'll fight her on custody too. I won't give up._ When_ I have won it, I'll be a full-time father. That's what I'm asking of you, if you feel ready, that's it." Sonny's face was moisten. Surely from the light rain that had started falling in spite of the sun and was surely creating a rainbow somewhere and they must catch it, over the rooftops... He wasn't crying, of course, his voice wasn't cracked and he didn't put too much ardor in kissing Will back.

They did see the rainbow. They saw the sunset too and it was time to find a place to eat. They couldn't let go of their hands, cramming their bags in the others, gazing in each other's eyes instead of looking at the restaurants as they passed them. For the first time, Sonny felt Will really believed in their common future and in his loyalty. For the first time, Sonny felt he had lost himself and it was good, it was necessary. Even if he wasn't aware of what he was eating, and that was a shame, it was local bohemian food, very exotic, even if he was now dreaming of crying babies that he didn't know how to care for, and he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and sit on the edge of the tub to chill it out, even then, it was worth it. That was life, knocking at his door, presenting him Will, the love of his life, his greatest weakness, his source of strength.

The next day, they stopped, dead in their tracks "What happened to that building, Sonny? Was it hit by a train?" "It looks like an optical illusion. It's weird. I love it." "So do I. Does it have a name?" "Look it up." The Internet said it was a dancing house and that was true. No straight line, no logic and still it was standing and people actually worked in it."You know, it's a little like our life, Will. It doesn't make sense, it's twisted and weird but it's gonna work and last. We'll just have to dance a lot around things." Will smiled tenderly and whispered "You'll have to teach me how to dance, then."

That was it. As they got back to the airport, Sonny's cell rang. It was his father. The trial would begin and they could come now. They had to. "I told Gabby I'd represent her for this only, by the way. If Will wanted to make sure she loses her parental rights, I wouldn't mind, but I would be neutral in this. I'm not specialized in custody hearings anyway." Sonny smiled "And you couldn't anyway, because of a conflict of interests." "Really?" Justin's voice was soft and curious. Adrienne wouldn't be at first, he guessed. But the power of baby cuteness could win her over, couldn't it? He could ask her for tips of how to take care of her.

There were lots of planes to get to Salem. On each one, Will slept on his shoulder. On each one, they fought about girl names. On each one, they went a little further in their relationship.

Gabby didn't fight. She explained why she confessed to a startled Will "I couldn't live with it. I watched my big tummy in the mirror and I saw Mel's face. And I felt the explosion shattering the town. I needed to unburden myself, to protect you. So that you can raise our baby well. I can't, right now, I have to come to terms with all this guilt. I have to prove I'm responsible and trustful. When I have, even if it takes years... Will you let me see her? Be in her life, just a little?" Sonny didn't dare say anything. This wasn't his decision. It was between Will and Gabby and he felt painfully excluded. Will turned to him and mouthed a question. "What do you think?" and he wasn't anymore. He said "Like you said, Gabby, it will be a long process, but if we deem it good, I'm sure she'll need to know you. Kids need to know their parents, even when they're not perfect." Will put his hand on Sonny's arms and said "I need you to sign up a paper, Gabby. A binding one, OK? I can't just take your word on it. I'll testify in your favor, but I don't want to see you after she's born. I need to focus on being a dad." "With Sonny?" "Yep." Gabby looked down, at the austere table of the lawyer's office "I'm glad. She'll have two parents that way. And Justin is a great person. He'll be like her granddad." "He'll _be_ her granddad, Gabby. I intend to ask for adoptions paper for Sonny... That is..." he added shyly "... if you want it?" Sonny grinned and answered "I want it all."

**This is not over just yet. Another last chapter after this one, I wouldn't want to disappoint chelsee199! **

**The next fic I'll write after this one will be a collaboration ,this times with WILLSONN LOVER, but under her penname. So be sure to follow her (and read her fantastic fics if you haven't already!)**


	18. The city of love

**"Koop Island Blues" by... Koop, if you don't pay attention to the sad words, sets such an atmosphere here!**

"Look, Papa! The king is on that side of the drawing!" "He's not a king, sweetheart, he's an emperor, Napoleon the first, that's even higher than a king." "Oh, and is this the lady you talked about?" "No, that's the empress, Joséphine. The lady is in another room." "Ari! Come over here! I'll put you on my shoulders! You won't see anything otherwise, there are so many people!" "Comin' Daddy!" "Ari don't run! Take my hand."

Sonny took the little girl to Will who perched her delighted little self on his broad shoulders. She began blubbering "Oh, she's so beautiful, what's her name already?" "Mona Lisa, sweetie" answered Sonny while he was pressing Will's hand. Will smiled, then chuckled at Ari saying "She looks very serious. Maybe she's been naughty and her dad has been lecturing her!" Sonny took a step back and watched his miracle family. Will looked less tired. He had began evening classes at Salem University and it was all Sonny could do to make things work so Will could get educated. He was so proud of him. And evenings, spent on his own, on first-grade homework and splashing bathes were eventful, but a blessing to him. He had hired a manager to help him handle the coffee-shop he owned with Chad Dimera, his best friend after Will. Ari was growing up here, chatting with the customers, drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream that she obtained behind their backs. She was enjoying Paris so much, Sonny wasn't doubting his decision to take her with them at all. They took her with them to the restaurants and she behaved with a dignity that they were very careful no to laugh at, but it was hard, she looked adorable. And she asked to be taken again and again to the Centre Pompidou with the colored tubes and the colored fountain sculptures in the basin on the front. They had managed to avoid it today by promising a trip to the Louvre that she would surely love, and to Sonny's relief, she did.

Being in Paris with a child was looking at it through her eyes and Sonny was grateful for that. It replaced awful memories when he was last here, alone and brokenhearted. When he had suggested the trip, Will had said "No, I hate Paris." It took Sonny weeks to get the reason from him, through lots of cuddling and a few passionate sex nights at the end of which, Will opened up "I don't want to... It's stupid but when I think about the city, I..." he had snuggled his head in Sonny's chest, like he did a lot and each time, Sonny's heart grew a little bigger "We were broken up. And I missed you so much. I went on the Eiffel tower and frankly, I thought about jumping. I couldn't, because of Ari, but I was miserable..." They had shared that night and cried. And kissed wetly and desperately, silently not to wake Arianna up.

Will had finally agreed and here they were. On top the Eiffel Tower again and this time Will was pointing everywhere to his daughter "Papa, look! Take a picture!" Sonny obeyed, then took photos of father and daughter, then asked someone to take one of them three. Well four counting the helium balloon. Seconds before it flew away, and now there were tears to dry and a hugging session. Arianna always went to him for that. She would fasten her little arms around him neck and he was a lost man. Was he really gay if the person he loved more than anything in the world was a girl? He had asked Will who had reminded him that was gay, very much, in his own horny way. He loved that Sonny loved Ari. Who couldn't though? She was so much like Will. She never stopped. Now she wanted to see Notre Dame, with Quasimodo! "Ari, he's not a real person. And the story took place two hundred years ago." "Were you already born, Daddy?" It was good to see Will laughing so much. It put him in a good mood and Sonny needed that.

"S'il y a un problème, vous appelez! Vous avez nos portables?" "Oui, ne vous en faites pas, tout ira bien... J'ai de l'expérience." (1) They were pushed outside by the competent child carer and stepped in the elevator, hand in hand, feeling very young, suddenly. Well, they were young. And drunk on happiness. Sonny didn't even order champagne. They were seated near the windows overlooking the Seine, with the bateaux-mouches passing by them, lightening the waters and Sonny's heart by the way Will reacted to them "You remember Zurich, Son?" "How could I not? My life began there." Will teared up at this and Sonny slid on one knee. Will was looking like one of this statue on the churches, lost in beatitude. He looked down at his ring all through the romantic walk on the bridges at night. "Will, you're supposed to look around. Or at me!" Will kissed him silent and looked down again. Sonny lay on the parapet and looked above the dark waters of time, to the lonely man walking the streets in search of himself, unaware that this was what was at the other end of the bridge. He waved a last good-bye to his wandering self, entering without regrets in a lasting relationship with the sexiest dad in the whole world.

(1)_« If there's a problem, you'll call us! Do you have our cellphone numbers?" "Yes, don't worry, everything will be fine... I'm experienced."_

**So, here the story ends. I'm delighted by all the great reviews, I am!**


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